Living through your letters

My grandma died this morning. Hibernating for a while.

I've only been listening to acoustic sets.

I'm not one to think too much about the intricacies of life and the universe. But this week in particular I've been getting sign after sign (but what are "signs" really?..) that's only led me to the conclusion that I can't control which way my life goes. Not something too profound.. many of us know this already.. But I'm talking on a different level.

I'd rather not go into a ton of details.. but basically I tried my best to prevent certain situations from happening, and I tried my best to make things happen.. and the universe just wasn't gonna fly with my decisions..

OK so thats neither here nor there.

I rushed to get to class today.. only to find out class is canceled.. twice this month. Where is my 2 grand going? seriously.

So now I'm scanning film, as I have been doing for.. this whole month pretty much. I wish the process wasn't SO LONG. It takes 10 minutes for one image to fully scan/be saved.

But I'm especially fond of this image I took about.. 2 months ago? I was with my best friend Breno and Doug. The night before we said "all I wanna do is go on location. And shoot some film". We had planned to leave at 10 am the next morning. But alcohol sounded like a better option and so we drank til 1 am and didn't wake up until half past noon. At 1pm we finally got our shit together and drove north. We didn't quite know where we wanted to go but we knew what we wanted to see/shoot. We ended up in Marin.. and finally on a small side road to get to Point Reyes. In the middle we saw this abandoned, exquisitely haunting white house. We hopped over a tree log and under a fence and explored. I walked a good 1/4 mile behind the house and saw this amazing tree. It sounds so ridiculous but I've never been so lost for words when it comes to nature. For some reason there was just something about the mass and organic lines of this tree. I wanted to sit underneath it and just listen to my ipod and fall asleep. I thought about that one book.. "The Giving Tree". Childrens books are great literature you know... When you're young you listen to your mother or sister or brother and grandparents read you these books and there is a limitless abyss for your imagination to run free. You take it for what it is and accept books about talking animals, and dancing snowmen. But once you're older you think about the stories you were read to.. and I think about The Giving Tree.. and think I could only be so lucky if I have someone in my life like that. Be it friend or lover. To have someone that appreciates and love you for you. That gives you things because they deserve them. No one asks questions. And until the day you're old and grey, they will still be there for you. As they always have been since day one...


2 more scans then off to my last class of the week.

The more I get of you the stranger it feels

Yes. A seal reference. It's become my anthem when I scan. Don't ask me why...

This morning I woke up to a hazy and foggy San Francisco and I wanted nothing more than to pull the covers over and sleep in. Or go on an adventure and explore. Work was definitely not on the agenda for today.

I have been suddenly hit with a burst of inspiration. I've been thinking of so many things I want to shoot and new concepts and stories and spreads. It's just if I have time to get everything written down on a piece of paper so I can remember it all.

Scanning tonight. Until I get kicked out at 10:30. Then I'll be off to the gym. And sleep. Argh! SO much to do. So much to do.

I need to get away to feel again

I feel so in and out. My mind races a million miles a minute but I'm slow to react on everything. Maybe it's this weather.
Last Friday I went out to one of my favorite "get away" spots and shot my now friend, Tore. Now I am not a nature girl. I will be the first to say I'm horrible with nature. I'll cringe at the sight of a bug.. and I'll be convinced every plant that brushes against my skin will give me some type of disease or I'll have an allergic reaction. But this place is one of my favorite places to go. When I can't drive to my secret beach I'll come here and walk the trails/read/listen to some music.

There's this weird fascination I get to bringing people ... well perfect strangers in general to a space that is all my own. Inviting them into "my space" without them knowing it. Maybe they won't appreciate it as much as I do. Maybe they fall in love with it. But I love knowing I'm bringing someone into my place of refuge.

I feel like I'm constantly playing catch up this week. I won't lie I haven't been as diligent as I've been in the past.. but I can't be doing 18 hour days all day everyday. A girl needs some fun.