Let's deal

i want to be the bones underneath my skin,
i want to be clean and pure and honest.
i want the air to surround me in all the empty space
that circles my body in gentle breaths.
i want to fill the bullet holes you have shot through me
with thick, dry dirt that is rich with seeds
so i can grow flowers in their places to bloom and grow
like roses stained with your lies.
i want my arms to be shaped like tree branches
and extend themselves towards the sky,
reaching for the stars in gallant movements,
they can never fall too low.
i want to purge my body of all my sins
i want to erase bitter-stained days;
let me throw it into the sea and wash it away
so the monsters can swallow it whole.
i want to succumb to this disease
that tugs at my sleeve like some hungry child
but i cannot feed her, i cannot help her,
i need to let her go;
go into me like a faceless ghost
that knows what i want
but gives me what i need.