We live together in a photograph of time

I accept everything that is coming. I accept the fact I probably won't make it out of still life alive. I accept the fact that not working out for the past month turns me into a fatty. I accept the fact that there are not enough hours in the day to get everything I want done.

I woke up at 9. I set my alarm to 6. I put on some clothes and took the bust to Bart. I went to Daly City. Took Mark Quines' portrait. He fixed my fuji-back. We hung out and saw the GGB (jokes) from his backyard. He dropped me off at David W.'s house. I met his roommates. I drank a glass of wine at 2:30 in the afternoon. I took David's portrait. I like his house a lot. His roommates all know eachother through mopeds. I felt extremely out of the loop. They had all their cool lingo and moped talk... I realized what a huge nerd I must sound like with my photo friends. I took the bus to Van Ness. I got an awesome ice pop at walgreens for 2 bucks. I walked home and dropped off my camera stuff. I went back to school and processed about 15 sheets of film. I was doing well. A few people got on my ass about not going to class. I understand. I know I didn't go to class. It's no one's problem.

I saw Ruffo. I really enjoy him. He's a great boy.

Apparently tomorrow I'm modeling nude for Julianna's 4x5 final. Damnit hahah.

I had this amazing chicken/pesto sandwich. It was amazing. The most expensive sandwich of my life but it was SO good.

My hands hurt a lot and I really should do some yoga.

Waking up bright and early tomorrow.

I don't know what I was thinking

This is Henny Penny.

Tuesday fucking slapped me in the face. I won't go into details but it really didn't go the way I wanted it to. For some stupid reason I went to school and couldn't control myself. I told myself over and over I didn't need him to cheer me up but of course I did. I was surprised at how much better life could be with just a hug. And of course Patty was walking down the street. She had strawberries and gave me one. It was one of the kindest gestures I've seen in a while. Funny how just a tiny little strawberry made me happy.

Yesterday was way random. I didn't feel like seeing anyone. I stayed at home and slept until 12:41. I met my god mother at Moma. We went to Ducca. The one thing I love about my God parents is no matter what they're doing they have dropped their life and rushed to wherever I am to be by my side. I feel so lucky to have such an amazing family and amazing people in my life. We caught up on her work. She's currently doing some work for Nasa and helping the cupertino plant go green. It's exciting since she's been trying to work with them for the past 6 years. We left and I walked to 180. I saw Kyle and saw some of his 16mm images. To be honest I'm blown away with his stuff. It sounds stupid because all my friends are so talented but I totally admire the whole process he goes through to make his images. And they're beautiful. I dont know I just really like them.

I went back to Moma to meet Wass' class. I was at the 75th Anniversary Gala ages ago so I've already seen the exhibit. I still walked around I love going to museums. But I'd much like it if I were by myself. Wass kept running into me and some kid in our class kept taking my photo. I met a new friend. His name is Mark. He's 23 and has 19 tattoos and has been married for 2.5 years. Crazy. He had this silly little preppy jacket and khaki's on - I was so surprised when he showed me his half sleeve. We're surfing Wednesday morning before work. I'm extremely excited by this. He has a very Thoreau-way of thinking and I super admire it. He's very interesting. I'm going to interview him on my love project.

We sat at a coffee shop with the class talking about our projects. I don't know if it's because I'm in my 3rd year and taking a 1st year class or if my class is just extremely retarded and unproductive, but everyone either "hadn't decided" on their final (we've had at least 2 weeks to "think" of two-three ideas) or their concepts included death, suicide or portraits in a studio. With no concept behind it. I was a bit put off by their responses, because there are a select few in my class who are very talented it's just obvious they don't put in the effort. So I guess we'll see how it goes.

Kelly wanted to use my mark II over the weekend so she walked home with me. I took her ass straight into my neighborhood and she was pretty uncomfortable. She was laughing saying how she's 28 and acts like a scared little girl and I walk around saying Hello to everyone. A man came out of the tobacco store with a handful of beautiful red roses. He then proceeded to slap himself in the face repeatedly screaming some obscene remark about my shorts. Welcome to my 'hood, girl.

I got a call from Ange and she wanted to have sushi. We met at Kyoto and talked about life, school, her poison oak, her sisters, her moving situation, and movies. We walked home and smoked some weed. 20 minutes later, my co-workers boyfriend walks in. I was so happy to see him. He's such a fun person. I was stoned by 10 PM and we talked about how he's just packing up and leaving to go to New York at the end of the month. He has a live in girlfriend, and two dogs and he leaves everything behind the 28th. It was a little sad. And the mood definitely went down... leave it to Ange to brighten up a situation. She put on "Newsies"- one of my favorite musicals. We started singing and dancing. Doug showed off his awesome moves and Ange got up to what I thought was to go to the bathroom. Two seconds later out of the corner or my eye I just see her flying across the room with her legs in the air and I never thought I could laugh so hard. I think we all laughed for a good 4 minutes. I am not lying.

Her sister came over and made a brief encounter. We cleaned her bong and Ange made resin tea. Disgusting. Doug left to go to McTeague's and then Kyle came by. He did his helmet dance which always makes me smile. We got him some powder for his feet. He stayed for a bit then left. I felt like passing out but Ange brought out this amazing chocolate cake. I ate at least 1/4 of it. Marz came in and we watched Seinfeld and he gave Ange a massage. He tried massaging my arm and it just hurt a lot. speaking of I need to call my chiropractor and move my files from campbell to san francisco.

So last night was a blasty blast. I really like Angela and I'm happy we're friends. She always cheers me up and even though we're not at that part of our friendship were we tell eachother anything and everything, I still feel like she gets me. And I get her.

I'm totally blasting Hanson right now

And I'm enjoying it. I'm going to try my hardest to dedicate today to just shooting. Let's see if I don't get distracted.

I spent a good 2 hours organizing and cleaning my room. And I've been ALL about my fireplace ever since our smores party. A good way to start spring break I feel.

I'm not motivated at all to shoot my 4x5... and I loaded about 45 sheets of film @ school before break thinking I'd be all stealth shooting the fuck out of everything. Guess not...

I got my guitar back from San Jose so happy. Thinking about buying a new keyboard. I am all about this Akai MPK88 board. We'll see what's up.

Bought a ton of groceries yesterday. Salmon anyone? Yes!! So yummy. And some produce my body doesn't hate me anymore for feeding it shit.

I think this post is pointless I felt I had something I had to write earlier but now I can't remember. I'll post something later.

I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic

This week has been so beautiful. I still have a crap ton to shoot for. But I'm enjoying my time off. I've gotten 4 interviews done.

They have gone way better than I planned. I've found that I've gone to two extremes- interviewing people I've known for years and people I've known for a short period time. What I find exciting is the people that I barely know are just so open with me in talking about love, relationships, their parents relationships, childhood, how they define love and such. Which I'm just so happy about. Each person has also given me a little piece of them which I so admire and appreciate. I leave after every interview with such respect and fun things.

Like Michael. Totally not what I was expecting. And I spent those 5 hours just in awe of him. He's one of those people that I know I will get along with and hope we can become good friends. We went back to his place and after spending about an hour talking about music in the original interview he played a song he wrote which I was totally taken a back. I feel it's one of those intimate things when you hear a song someone has put so much heart and soul into and I was very happy he shared that with me.

Sarah was the same in terms of surprises. She was not what I thought and gave me such a great story and opened up even though we've known eachother for a day. She's a hopeless romantic and even though she has such a tough exterior her interview and her stories were so beautiful. She took me back to her place as well and showed me her artwork. SO amazing. She paints and uses a lot of text with her work and I was blown away about her scales of paintings. She gave me a painting and I promised Id make her a print + a print of her portrait when I take it.


I'm actually totally procrastinating. I have to go to work, pick up some of my 4x5 stuff that came in the mail, and shower, finish cleaning my room and have some girl time with ange. I'm amped.

Life is going pretty good. And positivity is all around me. I'm blessed honestly to know such amazing talented people

It will be alright

I feel like every day I just have more and more on my plate. I tried putting all my energy into my 4x5 class.. but am now a good 2-3 assignments behind in still life. And an assignment and a half behind in Wass' class. However it consists of a total of 15 prints. So fuck me- right?

Today was actually pretty good. I dont know what it is about wednesdays. I spend all day at school. Go home and can never go to sleep. In turn giving me 2-4 hours max of sleep and then I go to 4x5. Then Concept class. A total of 10 hours. Then I find some way to manage to still stay in school and work on some assignment. But I'm usually in a pretty good mood thursdays. I dont know how it works itself out.

Tonight I went to slideslam which was presented at our school this month. It was great seeing some of my east bay photographer friends. I met some great new people. Juan Carlos presented his work that he just finished in Haiti. He presented a lot of film which was so great. Check out his work here.

There was a huge turn out which I was super amped on. A lot of new friends. Good vibes. Met some new contacts for Dust's next issue.

Speaking of....

We're finally cracking down this next week and putting Dust together. I think a total of 20 something photographers this issue. What the crack is that? SO amazing. I'm really happy.

I got my fuji back. So amped. Just won a 4x5 jobo loader with the guide and tank. So I'll be waiting for that little sucker to appear at my door in the next few days. I found a box of old band t's from my middle school/high school days. Think glassjaw, anything drive thru records, kinda stuff. I'm totally rocking those t's this summer.

Life has made a crazy fucking turn in my life. For a long while I saw it as a huge blockage in the middle of the road and it's taking me a while to see past that and see it as something in a more positive.. it's just hard to see that. Maybe sometimes it just is what it is?

Spring break mother fucker. Spring. Effing. Break.

I never asked for any of this

It's increasingly hard to keep going through each day. I feel like with every new day I have more and more obstacles I have to go through. To be honest I know in the long run I will look back and see these were all lessons for me... But right now it just hurts. Way too much.

I've been too trusting. And too willing to let people into my life. I fucking regret a lot of it.

I'm way behind in classes and school is totally kicking my ass. So no spring break for me. Work work work.

I'm getting tired of this damn city.

What a crazy semester this will be!

I am so excited. About everything. It's just if I have time to fit everything in to my days. I feel this week has gone by in a blur. I've learned so much. I bought about 2-3 books on view cameras trying to learn as much as I can about them. I'm nerding out trying to go pro with the zone system. I did my first polaroids for 4x5. Then did a film test. I loaded my film correctly (I was so worried!) and processed everything well! So happy!
My negatives are at school but I'll scan in my contact sheets.

My valentines day was pretty good. Woke up in Treasure island. Kevin made pancakes. Yuri made me a cute v-day card. Kevin and I explored some abandoned buildings. We took some awesome photos with his holga and my expired kodak color film. I'll scan those in asap as well. We ran into some squatters. SO weird. They were awesome and totally chill it was just we were walking down this long hallway. About 200 ft. long. No joke. And at the end of the hallway we see someone walk out. He was totally back lit and just stood there. But we finally spoke after a minute of standing still and not talking to one another. His name was John. He asked if we wanted to get high. We said no thanks and left. I told him happy Valentines day and I think he appreciated it.

Afterwards I went to work. I had a busy day surprisingly. I listened to the Sufjan Stevens radio on Pandora. I want to learn how to play the banjo.

I need to make a mix cd I've been promising a friend.

I need to clean my room. And drink some water. Get some sleep I have a long day tomorrow.
I want to shoot more color.
I need to cut my hair soon.